Wonder

I wonder if I should write on my blog for the meantime. Typing is a torture. I continue to have pain. And I don't want to depress my readers with my pain.

Every day I pray. All day long. Especially at night when at everthing is at it's worst.

I can hardly work. But I am hopeful do continue doing this blog. I want to contribute my story to MMK and to Star Cinema. And I want to write a book. With modern technology this can be done.

My prayers at night are varied...of frustration and of hope, of thanksgiving and of despair, of pain and of relief, of gratefulness to my mom and gratititude to Mama Mary, from wanting to go and from staying on to fulfill my mission...a kalleidoscope of desperation, hopes and dreams. My mind is all mixed up.

But I know in the end that God willl fix up everything. There will be tranquility.

I amwell-loved. Almost daily I get visitors to give me hope, consolation, presence also food and financial blessings. I am not able to digest the food yet but I am grateful for the thought. So, I pray for my visitors and they almost always cry. It is my gift to them. Because gratititude is all I can give at this points. Yest my life is one big thank you!

Hearts That Hurt, A Seemingly Never-ending Pain

I was hospitalized for about 9 days. And it seems that the torture continues. I keep crying and crying. My multiple myeloma has worsened. More symptoms have emerged. Vomitting. Low appetite. Chest pains so severe I have to cry. My bipolar disorder is evident. Part of me is longing only for the will of God. Another part wants to "let go" already. I have started calling up and informing friends that when the time comes, my sister shall contact them.

An incident stands out. I was praying the Hail Mary. Then I fell into a deep sleep. It was peace.

I contacted a friend and she wanted to cry for me. And what better reason for her love for me when she could not tell me that it was her son's wedding!.

Thank You, Lord, for the blessings amidst the pains.

Done and I'm Done

I was able to finish two reports. That feeling of accomplishment again!

Now, I am working on a questionnaire. Not familiar with the subject matter so have to do research.

Last October 31. It was my father's 10th death anniversary. There were few of us - Oyie's family (minus Angie but plus Trina's boyfriend, my family (but my son left early), Nerick's family (his daughter, Nancy tried to explain my collapsed thoracic cage. Absent were kuya's family ( He is in Bangladesh) and Norenz's family (they live in Malaybalay, Bukidnon).

Dennis, Trina's boyfriend, brought mango tort from Cuervo. Nice guy.

Other food were pancit malabon, chichen inasal, chicken salad, fruit salad, rice, mais con hielo, and soft drinks. Usual family fare.

I'm glad for these settogethers. And I am grateful when someone (my sister) drops by to give grilled liempo, and chichiria (Clover chips, Oishi Prawn Crackers, and Jack & Jill Chiz Curls).

Yesterday, was a terrible night of pain. Okay that's it.

Too Much Pain to Sleep

I can barely sleep. My chest and back hurts so much! Sorry for bothering you with these "complaints".

But I can't help it. This blog is not all sugar and spice and everything nice. I have to show my human side, too.

Let me describe my condition...

...since my thoracic cage has collapsed, I feel a stabbing pain in my chest constantly; I find it painful to lie down and get up from bed

...my back (including buttocks) hurts that I have difficulty standing or sitting or walking

...I have to raise my hands slowly when I dress up, that stabbing pain again

Okay, that's enough. I ask only for your prayers. There is a reason for everything. Whatever purpose there is to all these, I trust it is for God's greater glory.

Bye for now.

Down Memory Lane

My friend, Andy, posted photos of our barkada (gang) named Kappa Pi Pi fraternity [The girls were named NPN for "napagod na" sa "kapapaypay" hehe). Andy labeled the album "Photos of Nimia" which he borrowed from Olan. Last night, Olan texted me, "Hi nim. Have u seen d old kpp pics that andy posted on facebook? Some of those came from your album, which I scanned a long time ago. Andy kasi asked for a copy...ok lng b with u that he posted them on fb?

I answered, "Ok n ok. I lukd pretty n all f dem hehe."

And Olan said,"Cool! For a while, I got worried you wud mind...andy kasi, I told him not to post basta basta...yes, you wer pretty..."

Okay, so let's go down in memory lane (college years):

Here was how I looked back then.


In A.S....




Here, I was beside one of my boyfriends (partially covered):

Another boyfriend...




At a beach in Matabungkay.


A series of pictures of a "surprise" birthday party for me. How sweet!






Fina's debut...





At a party held in Fina's house.


Another party...

This is Olan, one of my closest, dearest friends. He is one of my son's ninongs (godfathers),
So, what's your verdict? Alas! My pretty days are long gone! (But at least, I don't feel ugly.)

Of Allergies and Work

My doctor prescribed Augmentin. I took it but began itching. I looked up Augmentin in the Internet and true enough, it contains Amoxycillin, the antibiotic I am allergic to. My doctor immediately texted me to tell me to discontinue taking Augmentin then prescribed three other medicines which serve as anti-allergy.

--------
I am still not through with one of my reports because the data are not yet all in. Then for the other one, I am expected to write the report in 3 days's time. I can only laugh.

Yesterday, I spent quite some time contacting research agencies to quote for two studies to be conducted here in the Philippines. But it seems the timelines are impossible.

Boy, why do clients require deliverables "yesterday"? I can only laugh!

--------
Tomorrow, we will be back to the hospital for my velcade treatment. My son had to take the day-off as he will assist me pushing my wheelchair, paying, etc. Mom is going with us since she has to go for her rehabilitation session.

|

The Purpose of Pain

Any doctor will tell you that pain is a sign or symptom that there is something wrong with your body. It is an EWD (early warning device).

Throughout the day and especially at night, I am in pain. But somehow, it has subsided from a high level of 8 to just about 5. I still have difficulty getting up from bed.

So, I offer my pain to those who are suffering and to sinners. I don't know but I have a particular concern for those who are not likely to be accepted in heaven should they die any time soon. I wish God will receive my sacrifice, my offering of pain to come to the aid of such sinners. That is one purpose of pain.

------
Yesterday, my older brother asked how we are. My second to the youngest brother sent P10,000 for financial aid. And my sister and her husband dropped by to bring dinner (adobong buto-buto, adobong pusit, and spaghetti. She also gave kisses with almonds to my son, rosquillos, and suman. How thoughtful my sister is!

-------
I have been working on a long report but the data are slow in coming. We will just have to submit a partial report tomorrow. And the second part and Conclusions will have to wait till I have all data with me.

-------
Tomorrow, I will be back to the hospital. My son will accompany me. Mom will come along for her rehabilitation session. (The good news is that she is well enough not to have a hot compress for her hips and feet. Thank You, Lord!)

------
I just got off the phone right now. My friend is also not feeling well. Her family must have caught some virus. Oh no, it's in the air!

That signals to me that I should wear a mask when I go out.

So, bye for now, dear reader! Till next time...