A Truly Wonderful Day!

I had a truly wonderful day today, the birthday of the Catholic Church (Pentecost).

I listened to the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy and I cried my heart out for past sins. Then I prayed the rosary along with the CD.

I listened/watched two TV healing masses - one at 6 am (Channel 2) and the other at 9 am (Studio 23). The homilies were both beautiful. One about the gifts of the Holy Spirit which ought to be shared. The other on what are the signs that the Holy Spirit is in a person. There were several and I'm glad to note that I have practically all of them! Praise God!

I finished two reports in record time. I was talking to Client and she said she will ask me to train her people and I of course will get paid for it. Yehey!

Then some friends came over at night and we had an instant concert. They sang so beautifully! Even my mom was so happy, she ordered pizza and Coke for us. Andy agreed to sing my song "Mahirap Maging Mahirap" on YouTube. Dream come true!

Another friend came along and we watched her short film, I (Heart) Roger. Nice!

It's been a great day! Thank You so much, Lord!

Conspiracy of Grace

This has been a nice day.

Finished two reports with the help of my assistant.

My sister and niece visited me. My sister "cleaned" my hair and removed white hair. We talked about a lot of stuff.

I learned a new term today "conspiracy of grace". From what I gathered, it may be defined as when God conspires with the universe to give you the exact blessing that you need when you need it - all is asked is that you be gracious enough to receive the blessing and recognize it for what it is... a gift of God. If this were so, then my life is one loooong story and example of conspiracy of grace. Every minute, every second...God has showered me with blessings - obvious and "disguised". And it is my realization that the greatest blessings are the disguised ones because they are like surprise gifts hidden inside an ugly package.

When people learned that I have third stage cancer of the bone marrow, I various reactions but the two most common ones were: "You can do it! You have hurdled other trials before!" and "Poor Nimia! Hasn't she suffered enough in life? Hasn't she gone through enough adversity already?"

Yes, indeed, storms are not alien to me. A failed marriage and failed romantic relationships, a bi-polar mood disorder condition that has led to no less than 15 hospitalizations and confinements in half-way homes, a long bout of bedriddenness which everybody thought was "sciatica" (but which may be a misdiagnosis), other illnesses like diabetes, and now, the big C.

I can do it! Yes and no. My loved ones and friends are right. If I was able to survive all the other storms in my life and used these storms to inspire and bless others, they can rest assured that I shall use this new trial to likewise inspire and bless others. Let my life be a living witness to others on how to face extreme problems.

But no, I cannot do it alone. That is why, I practically broadcasted it to the world - in person, by phone, by text, by email, through Facebook, etc. that I have this dreaded disease. Why? Because I knew the power of prayer and boy, do I need prayers to get me through this one. For it will not go away quickly. I have to face reality. So, friends and loved ones, do keep praying for me.

And of course, as always, I need God. I've always needed God during my times of sorrow and pain and suffering. But I am ashamed to say that despite God's magnanimity towards me, I have sinned against Him so grievously in the past. How ungrateful of me! And so whenever I commit sin, I cannot wait to make things right between us and to avail of the Sacrament of Reconciliation as soon as possible. My last confession was with a bishop, no less. I resolve to commit no more mortal sins and avoid all venial sins from now on.

Conspiracy of grace. With all these, God is conspiring with the universe to mold me into the child He envisioned me to be even before I was born. He is conspiring to make me a saint such as He is conspiring to make you and everybody else a saint. Because a saint is no one but a person who loves God so dearly that he/she must love other people, too. I need not be a canonized saint, but a saint with such a definition I resolve to be.

Thank You, Lord, for Your grace.

Dreams Becoming True

I cannot believe it! Before my eyes, my dreams are becoming true almost simultaneously!

...My book, "Mission:Possible!" is fast taking shape and nearing completion. I just met with two former students who are willing to interview mission-aries (people who live and breathe their mission) for me. There are at least four other people willing to do the same for me. Another friend offered to do the book design for free. I emailed my write-up of Bo Sanchez early in the morning and he also emailed the revisions early in the morning (he works that early!).

...My three previous books may be reprinted with some revisions, and maybe sold as a gift pack (three in one package!).

...My anti-abortion song, "Mother Let Me Live" will be produced and sang by Fatima, the prodigy of Father Orbos. I talked to her producer and talent manager who is willing to include the song in Fatima's next CD.

...My funny song, "Mahirap Maging Mahirap" will be placed in YouTube because I am forcing my friends to help me do so he he.

...My screenplay, "Ang Mundo ni Minda" will also see completion before the year ends.

...There will be "Know Your Mission" workshops and "Count Your Blessings" workshops in conjunction with my books. (or so I predict)

...and many more.

I guess I will never stop dreaming. Dreaming of things that I know is in keeping with my mission here on earth. That's why I do not dread death. It's a long way off. I can't afford to die with so many projects.

Lord, as much as I want to be with You in heaven, don't take me just yet. There is much I want to do for You and for my fellowmen, my loved ones, friends, even strangers. There are so many people I want to love and serve. I want to make even more people laugh, and smile, and feel inspired. So please, O Father, let me live a long life.

Deferring Depression

I ought to be depressed by now already. After all, I'm bi-polar am I not? To discover one has stage 3 cancer is reason enough for me to feel low. But surprisingly, by the grace of God, I don't. Many people are remarking that I am showing such good disposition and positive attitude that I am an inspiration to them.

That still does not change the fact that I am in frequent pain.

Grace. All is grace.

And I thank God for using me as an instrument of peace and love, a model of faithfulness and trust, and an example of triumph over adversity. As long as there is purpose out of all these trials I am facing, then I am willing to bear it all.

I consider myself most fortunate that the Lord showers me with His love directly and indirectly through many, many people...even people I hardly know or remember.

I praise and thank You, Lord, for being with me during these dark times. And one day, one glorious day, I shall see the light again. Meanwhile, You are the lamp upon my feet, You are Wisdom itself, and You are Love unconditional. Glory, glory to You O King!

An Interesting Day

I'm running out of adjectives to describe my days because they are all so nice despite ...

I was very early at the hospital today kasi fasting was necessary for my blood tests. I got to violate my diet and ate tapsilog at the canteen.

It's a good thing my doctor allowed me to go home instead of making me see her in the afternoon.

I spent again a lot of time in front of the computer.

I talked to friends over the phone.

My assistant came over and helped me with a report.

Two friends visited. One brought pancit and drinks.

The other asked help in writing a letter to some people who wronged her.

I'm excited about my song, "Mahirap Maging Mahirap" because my friends like it. It's so funny.
I hope it gets to YouTube. Then I'll post it here and in Facebook. Who knows? It might even get recorded.

Meanwhile, I hope to get enough sleep tonight. My left leg is aching like anything. And my bed sore in my right buttock!

Oh well, I must keep my mind busy elsewhere.

Visit To, Visited By

Today, I visited my orthopedic surgeon. He reiterated what his assistant said last week - no fractures, so no need for bone surgery. Yehey! He prescribed an antibiotic for my bed sore. Although I can still barely walk and have to move about in a wheelchair, I noticed that the pain is no longer that intense and frequent. And I can move my left leg a little more each day. Little improvements, little joys, little reliefs.

I had two pairs of visitors today. The first pair were both males - one an HR manager, the other a writer/editor/director/singer. He sang "The Prayer" for me. They brought lots of fruits. Delicious! We talked about facebook and old friends. I also showed them the lyrics of "Mahirap Maging Mahirap" which I talked about in an old post. I want to put the song in YouTube. I also asked their help regarding my book "Mission:Possible".

The second pair of visitors were females - marketing research client and friends. They brought books for my mother to read. And a salad for me which I ate right away because I'm supposed to go fasting for tomorrow's blood tests. They brought home the notebook that my ex-husband is selling. I asked them for prayer requests like most of my other guests so I can pray for them, too. We talked about marketing research, past operations, current woes, etc.

I didn't do much work today but my deadline is still a far way off. Next week so I spent most of the day checking my email, facebook, visited Preacher in Blue Jeans.

I talked to some friends over the phone, too. Other people have their own personal crises, you know. So I shall pray for them as well.

Life is great! And as one of the last lines of "Slumdog Millionaire" says - "God is great!"

A Quiet Day at Home

After all that excitement, I'm glad to have spent a quiet day at home today.

I just finished a simple taste test report and a three-paged topline report.

A friend came over and we talked for a while.

I went through my emails.

I chatted with friends in yahoo and skype.

I talked to my two publishers.

I sent out group emails and group messages via cellphone.

Nice, nice day it was.

A Pretty Wonderful Day

Today has been a pretty wonderful day...

...I worked on a report (although I didn't finish it)

...Bryan, my personal nurse, came over and gave me a bath and helped me dress up

...sisters from Tabitha Makati visited and gave fruits, a CD and Kerygma magazines

...choir members from Cathedral of Praise sang for us beautifully

...Rica arrived with her friend Minette and she brought Wendy's salad

...they were able to listen to one more song

...Grace fetched me but we got lost konti

...Fr. Mario said mass well with his characteristic humor and he blessed me with oil, lovely sermon and service

...I gave him copies of my three books

...sarap the food - siopao and pancit palabok and I was full already

...kwentuhan and come visit me but just schedule ahead

...I gave copies of my books

...several friends gave donations, how kind of them!

...Bryan helped me undress and changed to duster again

A pretty wonderful day indeed!

Two Priests in a Day

Today, I had two priests who visited me. One in the morning, the other in the afternoon.

The one in the morning came with my best friend, her son and her neighbor. Fr. Paul Yang prayed over me in Chinese and a little English. He said he has read my book, "Something to Thank About". I gave him another one, "Things I Learned From My Father". Before he left, I asked him if he could pray over my mom to give her strength. Poor mom, she wasn't wearing dentures then.

The second priest was Fr.John. He's a holy priest! He prayed over me and asked the sisters to pray for me, too. What I did after was ask every one of them to write their prayer requests so I can pray for them in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.

This has been a busy day. Norenz' family came and visit. They brought Pancit Malabon and puto and they brought home some apples.

I needed to work on two reports. I was able to finish one. One more to go! It's just a topline report anyway.

Visit from Bo Sanchez

I've long been an admirer of Bo Sanchez. We were supposed to have lunch last week but he and the guy we were supposed to meet with postponed. They decided to be the ones to visit. Willy was quite early. Bo arrived at about 2 pm.

He was in a simple shirt and maong pants. No pretension.

He gave us a copy of one of his books (on miracles).

Nice to hear a man of wisdom speak.

Torture! Pain with prayer. Guess what's winning?

Thanks, Bo, for saving my day.

Pain Notches Higher

The last time I saw my doctor (hematologist), I told her my pain level is tolerable at 6 to 7 out of 10. But yesterday and tonight, the pain upped to 8 to 9. Such that it took me 45 minutes to go to the bathroom to pee. I could barely move my legs! I might actually ask for morphine to be more fine.

Lord, I lift up to You this terrible pain. Remove it or lessen it so that I can be more loving towards others. Should You wish to maintain the level of pain, I offer it up to all those who are suffering all over the world...and to those who might not make it to heaven should they die soon.

I love You so very, very much, Lord! Let me live a long life so that I can love and serve many people. And for my beloved son.

So Far So Good

I went for my fourth Velcade treatment today. So far so good. No major side effects. Just that the pain killer wears off in the middle of the night and I get to stay up early mornings. Not bad.



Praise God!

Anger, Denial, Bargaining....

People are wondering why I am not going through the negative states of anger (to whom do I get mad?), denial (why deny when the evidence is strong that I do have multiple myeloma), bargaining (in exchange for what?)...I went straight to acceptance! Actually, I started with humor and it is my sense of humor that's keeping my spirits high. This plus faith. What a powerful combination and a wonderful formula for survival! You should try it sometime.

It's joke time!
1) Question: Why did the student pray the serenity prayer?

Answer: Because he was poor in math and he was asked to subtract two numbers. And so he prayed, "Lord, give me the wisdom to tell the difference."

2) Question: What is the redundant song of Jose Mari Chan?
Answer: The one that goes - "Tell me your name, you're Lovely, please tell me your name. (Lovely!)

Alright, that's all my Pun de Nimia for now.

Graduation Day

Today is the graduation day of my son. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't go because my immune system is shot. The venue of all place is MOA!

I take pride in announcing that my son finished with academic distinction. That's just right below being a cum laude! Wow!

I gave him a mini graduation party of spaghetti (care of my friends Cel and Thelma), KFC chicken, Shakey's Pizza Bianca and Manager's Choice and mojos, chocolate cake and drinks (care of my sister), and chichiria. My son invited 12 of his friends over and they're having fun now. Great! I'm happy when my son is happy.

Hey, my medicine makes me sleepy. I have to go...

Hey Look at the Sun

There is a song that I love to listen to these days (such that my mom and son are getting tired of it). Why? Because it's my song for my son and for Jesus.

The title is "Hey Look at the Sun" by Sergio Mendez. Here are the lyrics:

All of my life there are things I wanted to do
But they all changed the moment I set my eyes on you
The magnetism that attracted me to you
There's something inside I just can't explain
But now I know what I must do

Hey look at the sun
It's finally shining on my life
Shining on my life
And it's all because of you
It's finally shining on my life
For me and for you

All of my life I've wandered round time and again
But I've never thought that all my searching would come to an end
And then you came along
Amd my world of love began
So now I'm gonna change my ways
You're all I want, You're all I need

Hey look at the sun
It's finally shining on my life
Shining on my life
And it's all because of you
It's finally shining on my life
For me and for you

Hey look at the sun it's finally shining on my life
Hey look at sun
It's finally shining on my life
Hooh hooh hoooh

-------
Need I say more?

My Passport to Heaven

A Chinese priest from Beijing who is here said to my best friend: "Your best friend's sickness is her ticket to heaven. When she focuses on Jesus, when she treats her sickness as her passport to Jesus, when people see Jesus in her, she is sure to get to heaven." What wonderful words!

Yesterday, I was finally able to go to confession - to a bishop pa! I was with friends and we had fun eating pizza, spaghetti, salad. I refused to eat the cake although boy was I tempted! I just ate a piece of mango.

Wait, my son needs me to check his yearbook. Let me be a mother first.

What I am Giving Up...

I am giving up so many things that I love for the sake of my loved ones, like -

...Coke Zero

...anything with sugar (chocolates, cakes, ice cream)

...chicharon, barquillos, piaia and other delicacies

...processed meats like longganiza and ham

...red meat like pork and beef

...chichiria like Tostillas and Ruffles

...and much, much more!

I am also giving up tadah! my longing for that special someone. Finally! Now I know why God did not allow me to enter into a romantic relationship at this time in my life.

Oh well, there are so many people loving me and I have Jesus, what more can I ask?

The Best Thing...

This new trial in my life might be the best thing that ever happened to me!

...I receive an outpouring of love and concern everywhere - from loved ones, family and friends, even strangers

...many of the things that I want to do, the projects I want to accomplish, are about to come true

...prayers are coming from everyone and it is so heartwarming

...financial blessings are pouring in even from people I haven't seen for a long time

...I am getting a lot of visitors who offer words of comfort and inspiration and they give me all sort of stuff like books, box of prayers, mangosteen tea, fruit, etc.

...healing masses and prayer meetings are being held for me

...and much, much more!

My mom just came from the orthopedic surgeon and he said multiple myeloma is curable. Yehey!

I am taking a product, Reliv, which seems to be detoxifying me. Let's see what else it will do for me.

Am excited about life. I have many years to go, I just know it.

Thank You, Lord! I love You so very much!

My Father is in Heaven!

Early this morning, I was praying and conversing with Mother Teresa. I asked her if my father is in heaven she said, "Yes". Now, I have someone dear to pray for me.

I immediately told mom about it and she was happy to hear the good news. She has been praying to God, just in case he was still in Purgatory.

Thanks, Mother Teresa! You made our day!

---------

I went for my second treatment. Went well. Just experiencing symptoms like feeling of nausea, constipation, diarrhea, back contractions...

Meanwhile, I'm sleepy already. I can't write just yet. Till tomorrow...

Whatever you do...

Friends of mine, Patsy, Tina and Ninang Corit visited me yesterday. They gave me cute stuff like a book marker and a datebook plus prayers and "things to memorize". Moreover, they gave me religious relics from Padre Pio.

Then they prayed over me. Patsy gave a beautiful message - "Whatever little you do, you offer it up to God, and it will grow."

Early this morning, I suffered chills and extreme pain. It took hours but I offered my suffering to people who are in pain, too, the sick, the suffering and to those who may not reach heaven should they die soon. When the ordeal was over I thanked the Lord, Mama Mary, Padre Pio and Mother Teresa.

I hang on to the relics and watched TV mass four times, and mom and my son prayed with me.
I felt the need to see a priest to say Confession so I shed copious tears.

The main message in today's gospel is "I Am the vine, you are the branches." I realized that God is pruning me so I can be fruitful. Fr. Mario said that the thing to remember is that if we stick to God, he will grant everything we want.

In Fr. Jerry Orbos mass, there was Dra. Fe Del Mundo in the audience - a long-suffering cancer patient. And Ted Failon and his daughter (she was crying) because it's mother's day and her mom just committed suicide. My heart went out to them.

Fatima the blind singer-prodigy of Fr. Jerry gave her sweet message and sang for us. She has such a cute laughter! I plan to make her sing my anti-abortion song.

Aside from mother's day, it is my one and only sister (Oyie's) birthday! Happy birthday, Oyang!

In my computer, I put "Whatever you do, do it for God, and not for man, that you may reflect His beauty and wisdom...and it will grow." Amen.

My Sooh-Sooh Mom

Ever since, I started living as a squatter in my mother's condo, I've become so much closer to my mom. I discovered that...

...she is soooh funny after all even if she is the worst joke-teller ever

...she is soooh fool of wisdom (she calls herself the queen of fools)

...she is soooh patient with me, the patient, she counts up to ten before getting mad

...she is soooh neat and tidy as I am messy and untidy

...she is sooh supportive she is my all-around maid, financier, messenger, and nail-cutter

...she is sooh loving - more than words can describe

BUT she is sooh forgetful that I am afraid she will forget me someday.
(Old-timer's disease!)

Advanced happy mothers' day, mom!

Back from the Hospital

I just came from a 3-day stay at the hospital (Kidney Institute) for blood transfusions and my first treatment of Velcade.

The official diagnosis by now is multiple myeloma which is cancer of the bone marrow.

But God is working in wondrous ways.

He is givng me so much grace these days.

Grace.

That's all I need.

Two Homilies

Last Sunday, I had a wonderful opportunity to listen to two homilies on TV - one on Channel 5 and the other on Studio 23.

But before I tell you about either one, I have to inform you first that the previous day, a friend of mine suggested that I watch "The Last Lecture" on YouTube. It was given by a college professor, Randy Pausch, diagnosed to have terminal cancer. So he gave a last lesture in his university and wrote a book of the same title. The book became a bestseller as it talks about having fun, going back to one's childhood dreams, never giving up, etc.

Well, that gave me a wonderful idea! Why don't I write books that will surely be bestsellers so I can help pay for my medical expenses! I was so excited! Already, I was thinking of finishing my long overdue book, "Mission:Possible!" plus at three more: "Something More to Thank About", "Things I Learned from Loved Ones, Friends and Strangers", and "Fit for God".

But when I listened to the first homily the following day, the priest talked about bestsellers and I was convicted! The story goes this way. A writer died and went to heaven bringing a wagon of his best-selling books which were many. He was waiting by the pearly gates, confident to gain entry. Comes an old woman with a wagon with even more books. Curious, the writer asked if the woman was also a writer. The woman shook her head and said she could neither read nor write.
All she did was take care of babies not her own but her nieces, nephews, grand nieces and grand nephews.

So why all the books? The woman said she was just given the books to carry and asked the writer the favor of reading the titles of the books. So the writer read out the title of each book and it turned out that each book was about every single baby that the woman took care of and what became of them. Baby Arthur, now a barrio doctor. Baby Juana, now a mother of a special child. Baby Lita, now a sister of the Missionaries of Charity and so on.

Guess who got admitted inside heaven?

Of course, that does not mean that I will no longer aim to write bestsellers but it is more important that my life touch many people so these people could change for the better.

Second homily was by my favorite priest, Fr. Mario Sobrejuanite. He talked lengthily about the movie "Vertical Limit". He said that it was about mountain climbing and vertical limit is that limit
where going up becomes extremely dangerous and life-threatening.


Anyway, to make the long story short, the story is not only about courage but also of sacrificing one's lives for others. I am reminded of the song, "In the evening of my life, I shall ask this question - was I brave, and strong, and true."

I would like to think that I am not yet in the evening of my life but then...why wait for evening when we can do the sacrificing now?

Two Opinions

Today, I went with my mom to see Dr. Edward Wang for a second opinion. He confirmed the diagnosis after seeing my work up papers. And he asked that I undergo full body X-rays as baseline to check later on my medications are working.

Then, my friend Tina Bonoan fetched me. We heard mass in Sanctuario de Antonio Church in Forbes Park. Then we went to see our friend Andy whose close friend is "Fr. Do" also known as Fr. Fernando Suarez, the famous healing priest.

Fr. Do asked me what my illness was. I said, "Cancer of the bone." What stage, he asked. I said "Stage 3". He asked when my treatment will start. I said "Thursday." Then he said "May pag-asa pa" while holding my hand. He asked that my picture be sent to him. So Andy took my picture and sent it right away to Fr. Do.

So there you have it. Two opinions. A bone cancer specialist confirming the diagnosis. A healing priest saying "There is hope."

Yehey!

Tears I Shed

Last night, for the first time since I learned that I had cancer, I shed tears. But I could not cry out loud because I was lying right beside my mom and I didn't want to alarm her.

Why did I cry? Not out of self-pity. Not because of the pain. But because I was thinking of my son, my poor son. I cannot bear the thought of leaving him. How will he take it? How will he feel not having me around anymore? My poor, poor son! I love him so very much! More than anybody else in this world.

I also cried for the loved ones I will be leaving behind. I want to continue loving and serving many many people.

But then by the way I'm talking, it's as if I'm giving up already. No, I will fight this battle. I will win this war against cancer. One big FIGHT!

My Hat On Pacquiao

I number of people have suggested that I ask family and friends for financial assistance. Even if I am ashamed to do it, the fact remains - I want to live a long life, as long as I have stuff to do here on earth.

So I started talking to a few friends. It started with just one classmate who is also sick. She called up another batchmate who asked for details of my mom's bank account so the "local" classmates can start depositing their donations.

Then she asked me if I have relatives in the US whose bank account we can use for our batchmates to deposit their cash donations. Things are starting to happen and I am already claiming the miracles!

A funny thing happened. While I was talking to this friend over the phone, I said I felt flattered that she preferred to talk to me than watch Manny Pacquiao's fight with Ricky Hatton. "Oh you don't know yet?" Turns out, she knew the results as early as in the morning! She was tuned in to radio.

So I learned from her before seeing the actual "killer punches" that Pacquiao would win on the second round. I am as thrilled as the rest of the Filipino nation! Our hero!

Then, a thought occurred to me. What if I knew in advance what would happen to me? Would God be any less glorified? Will my life be just as inspiring as people say these days now that I'm faced with another trial?

Life is not a Pacquiao vs. Hatton fight. I cannot know in advance that I will actually win over cancer on the "second round" or the seventh or the last. All I know is that faith wouldn't be faith if I always knew everything in advance.

Different Reactions, One Prayer

When people learned about my having bone cancer, I got different reactions...

...some were speechless and at a loss for words

...some shed tears copiously ("humagulgol")

...some quoted Scripture and gave words of inspiration

...some were optimistic and said it's a win-win situation (if I survive, God will be glorified; if I don't, I will meet our Creator sooner than expected)

...some were sympathetic, saying that cancer of the bone is the most painful of cancers

...some gave practical advice: take certain products, get a second medical opinion, start a fund-raising drive for my medication

...some offered financial assistance

...some tried to laugh it off

...some believed that I can overcome this trial since I have gone through a lot in life already

Various reactions but ALL of them said, "We will pray for you". I believe in the power of prayer. My life is testimony to what prayer can do. God listens when we pray and since I have soooh many prayer warriors, I know that much good will come out of this. Just you wait and see.

I Believe

I believe that everything happens for a purpose.

I believe that there is much good that will come out with knowing that I have stage 3 cancer.

I believe that I can live for 20 days, 20 weeks, 20 months or 20 years more.

I believe that I need not be defeated by a defeatist attitude.

I believe that with the sense of humor I am notorious for, I can "survive".

I believe in love.

I believe in God.

I believe in miracles.

I believe in kindness of heart everywhere.

I believe that this creed can go on and on.

Because as long as I believe, the fear, the pain, the anxiety subside.