What Can I Do?

Last Monday, we went to my other home - the hospital.

I had some laboratory tests taken. I saw my two doctors.

My creatinine is up, my hemoglobin remains low, and there is the extreme pain on my left leg or hip joint to be particular plus pain on my right breast.

Both my doctors recommended X-ray and ultrasound. They also took me off certain medicines including Thalidomide which may have caused the pain.

So today, I, my mom and son went early to the hospital. My son was very helpful in carrying me so I can lie down for x-ray and ultrasound.

We were the first in line for the x-ray. Then, I went for ultrasound and they used a brand new equipment. The doctor said this was a sort of inaugural use of the machine - only on its fourth day. They had an expert in Singapore to help.

There were times when I was asked to make "iri" (as if I was moving my bowels). I said to the doctors, "Careful about asking me to make iri. I feel like farting". They all laughed.

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After lunch and sleeping, I called up a sister-friend in community. She adviced me to call up certain people to tell them my condition, and to find out how they are.

I am expecting some people to visit. Yey. I love seeing friends. My going out is very limited to the hospital these days.
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I just read in Yahoo of a lotto winner abroad who is on dialysis but intends to give away part of his winnings to the poor?

How I wish I can help the needy financially but I am not able to do so. One of my frustrations.

So I can think of two ministries - prayer for others and this blog site. I hope God will use my writing skills to greater use.

My prayer is: "Lord, please use me. I want to be of help to others as much as I can. I know that you did not create me to be useless. Here I am, Lord, willing to be used by You as an instrument of love and joy."

Merry Month

Yup, it's the merry month of May. Several friends and family members are celebrating their birthdays this month.

Today, in particular, is my sister's birthday. I have only one sister and she's only a year younger than me. We shared a bedroom when we were growing up. We went to the same schools. Nope, we didn't share boyfriends he he.

I love my sister because she is thoughtful, caring and generous. I'm recipient of many things from her - food, clothes, make-up, shoes, etc.

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Last night, mom and I started watching the teleseries "100 days to Heaven" starring Coney Reyes and Xyriel, the new child superstar. Funny, entertaining.

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I'm going through another trial again. No projects although four or bad are in the works. A bigger problem is we will soon vacate this condo. Where to go? My fixed income with a research agency will no longer push through because the end client prefers another researcher to service them. What to do?

I know I should trust in God. So I will just have to pray:

Dear Lord,

I know You love me, my son and my mom. I know You will continue to provide for all our needs. We trust that You will provide for a place to stay, food to eat, money for daily expenses. Thank You in advance for Your love, kindness and generosity.

Love,
Nimia
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Now for the good news, I am down to 137 lbs. meaning I have to lose only 6 lbs to reach "overweight" status.

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Well, keep thinking positively. As I have saying for years.

And the Winner Is...

Everyone these days is talking about the Grand Lotto with its highest jackpot ever. Almost 400 million pesos!

I keep dreaming of what I will do if I win. (Which is impossible because I'm too poor to buy a lotto ticket.)

First, I will give 10% each to my four siblings and 20% to my mom. Then, 20% goes to charity including poor relatives and in-laws of my siblings. That leaves 20% to me and my son. I will buy my son a car and provide for his MBA studies. We will buy a three-bedroom condo unit and hire two maids.

I will spend each day, not shopping, but going to mass in each of the churches in Metro Manila.

Since this is an impossible dream, I just pray for the winner as follows:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for blessing this person abundantly. I know that You chose this person because he/she is truly deserving. Let his/her heart remain pure and not filled with pride. Protect him/her from jealousy from others and protect his/her family from evil men who are after their wealth. Guide this person to use the money wisely and for the good of as many people as possible.

These I ask, in Jesus' name.

Amen.

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My heart bleeds because I want to do acts of charity but I am not able to - physically and financially. So, I will just continue to carry out my ministry of prayer.

Prayer

Someone texted to me the following:

"Prayer moves God into action.

When we call,

God promises to answer!

No matter what challenges you face,

the power of prayer can change your life."

I cannot help but agree. God has answered all my prayers with a yes, a no, or not now. Whatever the response, it is always the best for me.

All That Dialing

Today, I did a lot of dialing and calling up. What for? I am looking for new clients, particularly on the clients' side.

Result? I was able to email to three prospective clients today. I should be more proactive in getting research projects these days. What with my medical expenses skyrocketing!



Here's my prayer:

Lord, I know that You are the God of providence
You provide for my every need
Please continue to answer my plea for projects
so that I will be able to pay for my medicines and
basic expenses.
I also would like to have extra money to help the
needy and reach out to the poor.

Thank You very much in advance for Your generosity!

Amen.

Something Postponed, Something Moved Up

My (extremely painful) bone marrow test was moved to tomorrow. Supposed to have been today. I have an extra day to pray for it.

And my live interview by Fr. Jerry Orbos was moved from October 3 to this Saturday, September 19 at 9 to 10:30. I will be interviewed on this Sunday's gospel and on the anti-abortion song that I composed.

Join me in prayer...

My dearest Lord,

Help me as I undergo another bone marrow test tomorrow. It will be very, very painful so I need You to be by my side. I hope the results will show that my extremely expensive treatments have been a success. Already, I am experiencing much less pain these days. But I hope, we need not spend too much money for continued treatments.

God, also guide me as I answer the questions of Fr. Jerry. May all my responses be pleasing to You and give greater glory to You. I also want to honor Mama Mary through my answers as she was instrumental in writing my anti-abortion song.

Thank You, Lord, for all the blessings You have given me up to this day. Thank You for continuing to use me in so many ways to bless others and the world. I remain Your humble instrument of love and joy.

I love You so very much!

Love,
Nimia

Makes me Wonder

Why is it that despite my many tasks I am unable to work productively?

Too worried? Too bothered? Or just not in the mood?

Nevertheless, I am slowly seeing the light

People are helping, other people are more than willing to help, many more are praying

Thank you, Lord, for friends and people who care.

Clear my mind, Lord, pour upon me Your wisdom so that

my clients will be pleased with my reports and output.

I trust You, Lord.

I love You.

Without You, where will I be?

I Screamed!!!

Sometimes too much is too much!

I am working so hard

There are so many things I want to do

I have so many projects

Both "external" and those which are internally initiated.

Oh me oh my, when will I ever learn?

Is this because I want to accomplish as much as I can before I go?

Or I am fighting very hard to prolong my life and it just so haappens that my medicines are super duper expensive...and that I don't want to burden my family with finding the money?

Lord, teach me not to panic.

Teach me to relax.

Teach me to rest in You.

Teach me to have faith .

Everything will be just fine.

Because you are a Super God

And I am no super woman...just an ordinary woman but wonderfully made.

So, instead of screaming, I ought to...

Shout to the Lord all the earth let us sing

Power and majesty praise to the King!

Before You Reach the Point...

You work hard day in and day out. You spend only a few hours of sleep each night and try to take naps throughout the day. But there comes a point when productivity and quality of work have got to suffer. Before you reach the point of exhaustion and complete fatigue, REST. Come before the, Lord, and say, "Lord, I have given my all up to this point. Now please take over while I rest awhile."

This is my prayer. Amen.

Different Reactions, One Prayer

When people learned about my having bone cancer, I got different reactions...

...some were speechless and at a loss for words

...some shed tears copiously ("humagulgol")

...some quoted Scripture and gave words of inspiration

...some were optimistic and said it's a win-win situation (if I survive, God will be glorified; if I don't, I will meet our Creator sooner than expected)

...some were sympathetic, saying that cancer of the bone is the most painful of cancers

...some gave practical advice: take certain products, get a second medical opinion, start a fund-raising drive for my medication

...some offered financial assistance

...some tried to laugh it off

...some believed that I can overcome this trial since I have gone through a lot in life already

Various reactions but ALL of them said, "We will pray for you". I believe in the power of prayer. My life is testimony to what prayer can do. God listens when we pray and since I have soooh many prayer warriors, I know that much good will come out of this. Just you wait and see.