Puntastic

I love puns. A friend of mine recently emailed to me several puns and I had a good laugh. Let me share them with you:

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
And got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the
hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay
here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned
to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism
it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects !

25. A crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

Thanks, Greg!